Rant :(

I sometimes feel as if I dont rant enough. Now I know to some any rant is tomuch but looking back at how much I use to say with no substance and How little I say now when my words now posses much substance, I feel I should rant as much as possible just to make sure the world not only hears me but that time does not forget me. I talk, rant,vent, mumble,write,paint,and creat not for my self or others but for time and space to have a piece of me and what I was capable of doing. Come the new year this blog or another will expand almost daily and along with that so will my writing skills, So I hope. To much focus was being put on poetry and not basic writing so it made it difficult to produce on a regular basis. There is much I want to change and build with in my self so not to be the same person I have been stuck in mentaly. prepare for rants and maybe in the mess of it all a well worded verse may take shape and enter your heart and or mind.

A poem that has always had a place in my heart. Lord Byron was an amazing poet. 

just wanted to share it. 

HEN we two parted

In silence and tears,

Half broken-hearted

To sever for years,

Pale grew thy cheek and cold,

Colder thy kiss;

Truly that hour foretold

Sorrow to this.

 

The dew of the morning

Sunk chill on my brow--

It felt like the warning

Of what I feel now.

Thy vows are all broken,

And light is thy fame:

I hear thy name spoken,

And share in its shame.

 

They name thee before me,

A knell to mine ear;

A shudder comes o'er me--

Why wert thou so dear?

They know not I knew thee,

Who knew thee too well:

Lond, long shall I rue thee,

Too deeply to tell.

 

I secret we met--

I silence I grieve,

That thy heart could forget,

Thy spirit deceive.

If I should meet thee

After long years,

How should I greet thee?

With silence and tears.

10-23-11 just before 5am

I tend to over think what I want to write about, wish I could do the same about what I say but thats not the case. I run off at the mouth and push people away with what i tend to say and dont expect an apology or "I'm so sorry" cause my pride which has no solid foundation is to big and Im sure one day will collapse on its self but untill then I will continue to push those I some what care about away. Iam how ever sorry you had to be one of those I pushed away cause I really did have a love for you that I gave no one before you. I would have rather we never met than to hurt such a beautiful soul like yours. I know that there is no going back cause the person I was then was a saint when compared to the ugly soul I am now. I think back on the poems I wrote you and I guess theer is a reason I forgot the verses. The love that was put into them belongs with you and not I. To be able to see your face to face just once more Im sure would tourment me but I dream of that encounter almost nightly when I know your asleep and the probability is unlikely if not Impossible so Im safe from irony giving me what I want just to take it away. The memories of us I tend to imbelish and compensate with star filled nights, crisp autum days,and rain kissed skin that could feel as I held you tight just to wisper in your ear "I love you" But Im sure you dont recall that cause it was all events I wish I could have done when I had you. Again this night has got the best of me or at least whats left of the "good" me which is all based on what I have left of you in my heart. This is me at my most volnerable, when the world is asleep and Im left to look in from the outside alone.

After All this Time.

I still can not erase your smile from memories I wish to edit you out of.
Erase Your scent from the hope I have to be able to wake up next to you just once more.
Erase Your laughter that would wake me from my sleep and remind me that any dream I just had was nothing when compared to your presence.
After all this Time Im still reliving that fragment of Time I held your heart.
After all this Time you still hold mine and think nothing of our past.

foul stenched streets-an old poem for a "friend" you know who you are

Walking these foul stench streets at night

 brings to me, the memory

of the love I once had for you.

As I thumb through pages of a story we once were in

and recall how it seemed to be, a tale that had no end

written out or read aloud

Despite this relationship only being fueled by the moonlight.

having those few but memorable late night conversations

under soft colored street lights,

only bright enough for the both of us

is where I felt at home.

Once that bulb along with my hope burnt out,

I was left to walk these foul stench streets alone.

Reminiscing of the love I once had for you and wanting to keep.

but since love has no place down dark streets

and destiny waits for no man,

not even a man in need like me

So while soul searching for love,

I found death, mindlessly wandering down a dark alley.

So I kissed him before he could kiss me, so not to

struggle and tangle with regret.

but to dive into the next life

for a chance to meet again.

Under soft colored street lights only bright enough for the both of us

and would be just another star without you and I beside it.

Looking now at these foul stenched streets and that late night speech

of how love has no place down dark streets.

When that's all a man has in his heart are dark streets,

littered with rejection and riddled with secrets.

I find myself alone and at home.

"WILLFUL AMNESIA" what a beautiful Idea..

I would want nothing more than to forget what we had and what I lost when I loved you. To no longer recall your half awake smile when I was blessed to wake up next to you. To forget how beautiful the world around me seemed when I saw its reflection in your eyes. I want to wake up to this cold place and see it as I once did, With no recollection of how amazing and dreamlike this place can be when your not alone. Willful Amnesia is what my mind begs for, as my heart fights not to forget what loving you was like. What optimism felt like, What being at peace felt like, What finally finding in you everything the Church always promised but never could deliver.

my little secret

I don't write much any more, but when I do.
It all ways seems to revolve around you and what you meant in my life.
I've tried so hard to forget about the person you are,
and there have been many times when I think I accomplished just that.
But once I'm left alone with my thoughts, and the dark cold truth of who I am.
Once my heart and soul retreat to the memory of the life I had with you.
Back when optimism was waking up to your smile, music was your laugh, and that perfect sound was you calling my name.
Just having such a perfect being acknowledge my existence and have me be apart of hers,
was a experience I never thought I would have.
Time did not exist to us when in each others company.
Seconds, minuets, hours, days where nothing more than a annoyance.
I am aware that the image I'm painting,
is only my interpretation of what we shared.
But how I wish I could have shared this beautiful world you gave me.
This world where I can hope and dream in.
Because if I could share this perfect place with anyone, it would have been you.