10-23-11 just before 5am

I tend to over think what I want to write about, wish I could do the same about what I say but thats not the case. I run off at the mouth and push people away with what i tend to say and dont expect an apology or "I'm so sorry" cause my pride which has no solid foundation is to big and Im sure one day will collapse on its self but untill then I will continue to push those I some what care about away. Iam how ever sorry you had to be one of those I pushed away cause I really did have a love for you that I gave no one before you. I would have rather we never met than to hurt such a beautiful soul like yours. I know that there is no going back cause the person I was then was a saint when compared to the ugly soul I am now. I think back on the poems I wrote you and I guess theer is a reason I forgot the verses. The love that was put into them belongs with you and not I. To be able to see your face to face just once more Im sure would tourment me but I dream of that encounter almost nightly when I know your asleep and the probability is unlikely if not Impossible so Im safe from irony giving me what I want just to take it away. The memories of us I tend to imbelish and compensate with star filled nights, crisp autum days,and rain kissed skin that could feel as I held you tight just to wisper in your ear "I love you" But Im sure you dont recall that cause it was all events I wish I could have done when I had you. Again this night has got the best of me or at least whats left of the "good" me which is all based on what I have left of you in my heart. This is me at my most volnerable, when the world is asleep and Im left to look in from the outside alone.